ancient chinese cotton candy torture

who invented cotton candy? no, more importantly, why? i am going to venture a guess and say it was satan. if you think about it, he’s the most obvious candidate. hmmm, let me back up a pinch. let’s preface this thought with a little fact: i absolutely hate cotton candy. i don’t just hate it, i loathe it, i abhor its very existence, i desire to erase it from this planet. perhaps part of the reason i hate it so much is that i have a sweet tooth and i hate deception and betrayal. there is nothing more deceptive and disappointing than this large puffy cloud of sugar, promising to overwhelm your tastebuds with sweet goodness beyond comprehension, only to be stumped when all that deliciousness flees at the first hint of moisture. this simply aggravates me, causing me to delve into the poofy goodness with reckless abandon, only to be all the more disappointed. in the end, i am entirely unsatisfied and spent from a fruitless frustration, my face and hands (and sometimes neck) are stickier than fly paper (which i am fast becoming due to the magnetic pull of sugar to flies).

it seems obvious to me that cotton candy is straight from the bowels of hell, the masterpiece of deception, the crowning achievement from a throne of lies. it is obvious that none other than satan himself could create something so devious and yet appealing, so innocent and yet so destructive.

or maybe it was a politician.