porcelain inspiration

upon telling my girlfriend that i would like to see her wear some short shorts, she responded with the excuses that (1) it wasn't warm enough (not that that has ever stopped me) and (2) her legs are too white (as if later in the summer they will magically become tan without the sun). somehow, this inspired me, and late last night, right before i clumsily clambered into my wonderfully soft blankets, i wrote a few haikus to commemorate the need for sun.

how i wish for light
sun please kiss us with warmth
darken her white legs

beautiful porcelain
her legs await the sun's light
warmth would be nice too

longing for a tan
short shorts adorn legs so white
waiting for the sun

i remind you that i wrote them right before i went to bed, meaning that my brain was well on its way to shutting down and frosting over for a few hours.

two essentials

i'm not sure yet if this will be the sort of blog where i post many links to cool things i find and want to share or not. until i figure that out, however, i will share what i find. so, for any of you that love star wars and/or furry little critters, onward!

ancient chinese cotton candy torture

who invented cotton candy? no, more importantly, why? i am going to venture a guess and say it was satan. if you think about it, he’s the most obvious candidate. hmmm, let me back up a pinch. let’s preface this thought with a little fact: i absolutely hate cotton candy. i don’t just hate it, i loathe it, i abhor its very existence, i desire to erase it from this planet. perhaps part of the reason i hate it so much is that i have a sweet tooth and i hate deception and betrayal. there is nothing more deceptive and disappointing than this large puffy cloud of sugar, promising to overwhelm your tastebuds with sweet goodness beyond comprehension, only to be stumped when all that deliciousness flees at the first hint of moisture. this simply aggravates me, causing me to delve into the poofy goodness with reckless abandon, only to be all the more disappointed. in the end, i am entirely unsatisfied and spent from a fruitless frustration, my face and hands (and sometimes neck) are stickier than fly paper (which i am fast becoming due to the magnetic pull of sugar to flies).

it seems obvious to me that cotton candy is straight from the bowels of hell, the masterpiece of deception, the crowning achievement from a throne of lies. it is obvious that none other than satan himself could create something so devious and yet appealing, so innocent and yet so destructive.

or maybe it was a politician.

easter egg origins

i thought i would kick things off with a classic. i'm sure it will be familiar to some of you, but hopefully not all of you. a while ago, i liked to dissect natural, accepted phenomena and write what the story was behind it. here is one such example, although i will surely post more in the future. and feel free to ask me anything you would like explained.

So why in the world is there a bunny laying eggs on easter? Let us see. Well it's all tied into the forest Olympics (held yearly as opposed to every four years). All the cute, fuzzy little bunnies of course have their hare scamper event, but for added skill testing, they had to carry rocks. Well this was ok for a few years, but it wasn't much of a skill level test as a rock was only added weight. So for an added challenge, the bunnies had to carry eggs, and if they broke them, they were disqualified. These bunnies had to dash through the forest, across the field, around the swing dance competition, and to a hiding place predesignated by judges. Once the egg was hidden, they would then pick up their loudspeakers and squeal at the top of their little lungs, "I'm a little pollywog happy as can be, no other pollywog is fast as fast as me!" That would signal for the other member of their team to start their segment of the race. The foxes then ran along their course to the segment of the forest where the eggs were hidden, and then they had to find their teams egg, crack it open, scramble it, and bring it back to the judges to sample their fine cuisine. Well if the team took the wrong egg, they would be disqualified, so the bunnies got in the habit of putting small colored markings on their eggs to help the foxes find the correct egg. Although you should note that their markings were very small and faint. The whole incredibly colorful eggs of easter are just a humanization of it. As with most things, this Olympics was discovered by a small boy named josh (not me, but related) who was told by a squirrel friend of his. So Josh set out to see what this ruckus was, and set up a hiding place near the designated hiding area. Sure enough, he saw the little bunnies racing in with eggs and hiding them. He caught small dots of color on a few, and found this all quite interesting. Josh continued to watch, but the foxes, in their search for their egg, found Josh. Well this was a dilemma, make no mistake! This couldn't go public for sure, but many of the animals vouched for Josh that he was of good character. Josh promised to never tell a soul, as long as he would be invited to the annual Olympics from then on. The little boy paid tribute to his animal friends by decorating and hiding eggs once a year at the beginning of the games. This happened to fall on easter, and soon spread through the village as a tradition. Josh's secret was passed down to a trusted relative until the animals finally said the truth could be told, and the bunny part came into the whole easter celebration. Do not question, just believe.