if zombies threatened the existence of all mankind, what would vampires do about it? on the one hand, vampires basically view humans as cattle, food, and have very little respect for their existence in the first place as anything apart from serving the physiological needs of the vampire kind. on the other hand, if all humans were extinct and replaced with zombies, which do not exactly offer a tasty midnight treat to a vampire, and would probably be a bit of a nuisance and possibly even a threat, would vampires feel the need to assist humans in their struggle for survival?
i think they would. regardless of the low opinion that vampires generally hold of humans, it would probably be in the best interest of vampires worldwide to ensure the survival of humans and, more importantly, the lack of existence of zombies. for starters, obviously humans would be much easier to manipulate and keep in check as they drone on in their own generally harmless 'lives'. zombies tirelessly seek to eat anything that lives and breathes and pumps blood, and would therefore create a constant and active inconvenience, if not a serious threat. and once one zombie found a vampire house, every zombie in the area would be drawn towards it. vampires would no longer be able to live in luxurious, fashionable mansions, but would be forced into impenetrable, unreachable fortresses in remote locations. its like the difference between herding cattle and herding eternally starving piranhas with an open wound.
the other reason is functionality. humans meet the needs of vampires much more completely than zombies, due in no small part to the fact that zombies are pretty much worthless to vampires. one aspect of this is food. of course vampires can create synthetic blood plasma and probably live on that and previously extracted blood for quite awhile, but i'm guessing that is the vampire equivalent to eating freeze-dried food in a bunker. vampires like to live in style, and i'm willing to bet the thought of lowering themselves to that for the rest of eternity sends an icy chill up their already frigid spines. since zombies don't actually have blood pumping through their veins, they are completely worthless in the category of food stuffs. another function that humans serve is to be used to create more vampires, essentially as potential replacements to replenish their ranks for whatever reason they might need more vampires. once again, since zombies don't use blood to sustain their parody of life, they would be unable to turn. finally, humans are often used as servants, slaves, and helpers to aid the lives of vampires. it helps to have retainers that can function in sunlight as well as do the menial work that most vampires would view as far below their regal status. even if vampires somehow managed to develop the technology to subdue zombies and bend them to the will of another, their lack of intelligence and basic motor skills would still make them far inferior to a human slave, even the most foolish.
despite the inferior stature of humans to vampires, i honestly think that vampires would be wise to assist humankind in the event of a zombie invasion/outbreak. i for one would love to watch a vampire army wage war against a mindless yet tireless horde of zombies, the ultimate matching of technique, technology, intelligence and precision versus brute force, superior numbers, and a fearless foe that is nearly impossible to stop. as it was so eloquently put in the dark knight, an unstoppable force colliding with an immovable object.
however i am open to logical debate and reasoning. feel free to disagree, but only with good reason!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
culinary creation of complex composition
i love pizza. everyone loves pizza. it is a truly amazing food! it is good hot, or cold, plain, or loaded with toppings, morning or night, midnight or lunchtime, at parties or at home, it is the most versatile food i can think of. you can make it a completely balanced meal even. even when it's not amazing, it's still good.
how can something be so incredibly good? it can't possibly be a simply man-made creation or an ancient discovery native to this planet because it's taste is phenomenal. and yet, it also can't be a gift from space or from greek mythology because we continue to curiously recreate it with varying levels of success. i think it must be one of the unofficial ancient wonders of the world, kind of like a pyramid or something. it can't be officially recognized because there was never any proof leftover, similar to how's there's never much proof leftover after a modern day video game party. except we have the tell-tale cardboard boxes. i'm willing to bet there's probably some cave drawings of pizza somewhere, but we don't recognize it as pizza because they weren't in perfect circles back then. the real question is which ancient civilization blessed us with this extraordinary gift?! perhaps it was such an almighty creation that it is the true catalyst for the demise of atlantis. the raw, unharnessed birthing of the power of pizza was to overwhelming and terrific for one culture to possess in its inception, especially an ancient culture. the civilization was crushed beneath the weight of the awesomeness that it had created/discovered. fortunately for all of us, it did not fall victim to its own fresh, unbridled power, and was saved to pass on and enlighten the rest of the world, from east to west, through all generations. it may outlive us all, and no one could expect anything different.
i wonder if it can cure cancer. . .
how can something be so incredibly good? it can't possibly be a simply man-made creation or an ancient discovery native to this planet because it's taste is phenomenal. and yet, it also can't be a gift from space or from greek mythology because we continue to curiously recreate it with varying levels of success. i think it must be one of the unofficial ancient wonders of the world, kind of like a pyramid or something. it can't be officially recognized because there was never any proof leftover, similar to how's there's never much proof leftover after a modern day video game party. except we have the tell-tale cardboard boxes. i'm willing to bet there's probably some cave drawings of pizza somewhere, but we don't recognize it as pizza because they weren't in perfect circles back then. the real question is which ancient civilization blessed us with this extraordinary gift?! perhaps it was such an almighty creation that it is the true catalyst for the demise of atlantis. the raw, unharnessed birthing of the power of pizza was to overwhelming and terrific for one culture to possess in its inception, especially an ancient culture. the civilization was crushed beneath the weight of the awesomeness that it had created/discovered. fortunately for all of us, it did not fall victim to its own fresh, unbridled power, and was saved to pass on and enlighten the rest of the world, from east to west, through all generations. it may outlive us all, and no one could expect anything different.
i wonder if it can cure cancer. . .
Thursday, May 7, 2009
aggravated assault or science?
what would make a normally peaceful ladybug so angry? and what would make said irritated insect vent its grievances upon my hapless finger? perhaps i was staring at it. i know some people get very bothered when someone is staring at them for too long, so i guess it makes complete sense that an arthropod could also possibly grow very uncomfortable when stared at. especially when the creature that is staring at it is about a billion times its size and could easily crush it. i guess if the moon was staring at me, i would feel a little intimidated and uncomfortable too. i still don't understand why it had to attack me though. (ok, attack may be a somewhat strong word, after all, its just a ladybug. however it could be argued that because of its normally docile and general friendly disposition, even the slightly insult could be viewed as a drastic departure from its usual character, placing it well within the definition of attack.)
in an attempt to give it the benefit of the doubt, it wasn't attacking me. it was merely performing an experiment: how will a human respond when i pinch its finger? but this still begs the question, why would a ladybug care?! i have a theory. i think that it was hired by aliens. in the interest of gathering information with the least impact possible, disdaining even the slightest hint that they are studying us (hence they view complete abduction with the utmost of contempt), they have been forced to outsource their research. of course this is a slow, laborious, painstaking process that isn't nearly as accurate as abduction, but they fear the consequences of discovery. apparently they have seen a few of our movies.
in an attempt to give it the benefit of the doubt, it wasn't attacking me. it was merely performing an experiment: how will a human respond when i pinch its finger? but this still begs the question, why would a ladybug care?! i have a theory. i think that it was hired by aliens. in the interest of gathering information with the least impact possible, disdaining even the slightest hint that they are studying us (hence they view complete abduction with the utmost of contempt), they have been forced to outsource their research. of course this is a slow, laborious, painstaking process that isn't nearly as accurate as abduction, but they fear the consequences of discovery. apparently they have seen a few of our movies.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
which bear is loneliest??
i kind of feel sorry for polar bears. they must be so lonely. in documentaries, its so common to see them wandering across the vast expanse of an empty frozen wasteland, all by their lonesome. really, what is there to do up there? you can only play so many games of solitaire before you start to go a little crazy. then you move on to playing war by yourself, even taking on two different personalities for the two stacks of cards. you even find yourself rooting for one stack, regardless of the fact that you will always win in the end when you play yourself. or you could say you always lose, but if no one is around, then who's to know the truth. so you might as well win.
because of this seemingly loneliness, it makes me a little happier when i see polar bears playing with other polar bears. its like, against all odds, they happened to aimlessly wander into each other. finally, someone else to play cards with!
for those poor, deprived polar bears that never manage to wander into other polar bears, they must be willing to play with just about anyone else, just as long as they can finally have someone else to play with. i imagine they would be so overjoyed, that they would even forget to break out their mad card skills that they have undoubtedly honed over years of sitting in a barren wilderness all alone.
because of this seemingly loneliness, it makes me a little happier when i see polar bears playing with other polar bears. its like, against all odds, they happened to aimlessly wander into each other. finally, someone else to play cards with!
for those poor, deprived polar bears that never manage to wander into other polar bears, they must be willing to play with just about anyone else, just as long as they can finally have someone else to play with. i imagine they would be so overjoyed, that they would even forget to break out their mad card skills that they have undoubtedly honed over years of sitting in a barren wilderness all alone.
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